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When was the last time you smelled the roses?

babylocks — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:47:12 GMT

Time is too short - we all need to find time to do the things we want to do & not the things that everyone else wants us to do. We need to take time out of the rat race before it's too late! I finally realised that even though when you become a mother & a wife you still need your own space & time because if you don't you never make it up & won't be able to pick yourself up again & make yourself whole - no matter what you do.

You need to change your focus, make a difference & start making decisions - stomp your feet its your time. Take the moment you were born with & STANDOUT. Make a reason - no become the moment & start your reawaking - become successful, take control of yourself & over everything you do & start sharing your gift because being a mother & wife/lover you can do anything you can achieve anything you have done so many things. You have conquered the world & lived, especially sleep deprivation, dirty nappies, being fat & just going through all those hormones. You have survived.

Now i's your time to STOP, & SMELL THE ROSES..... or ELSE!!!!! because I SAID SO!!!!:)

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 13

MeanDean — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 14:33:00 GMT

Tuesday 15 December 2009, 1:32 PM

I find it hard to believe that everything falls at the same speed inside of a vacuum. We got a new vacuum and it has one of those clear things where the dirt flies around in a circle... a bagless vacuum, and its pretty obvious that a marble would end up at the bottom while a feather would just keep spinning around and around.

The only scenario I can think of where a feather and a marble would fall at the same speed inside of a vacuum would be if you dropped the vacuum cleaner from an airplane with the feather and the marble inside of it, but that's obvious. That's like saying "Everything falls at the same speed inside of a file cabinet."

I always knew that school was mostly useless.

well i went out last night

walli — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 01:26:30 GMT

I went with my friend and her sister and cousin, so we basically went where they wanted to go or had arraged to meet friends or whatever. But the place next door was playing really good music, the songs I really like when I hear them but can never remember what they're called and don't know who sings them, I always think they're kinda fast Seattle Band music but I don't even think that's right - maybe I'll discover one if I go looking on YouTube and post it here later. Anyway we were lined up for ages outside waiting to go into this other place. Sometimes I think I should just go out by myself because I have no problems dancing with strangers and then I could choose where I want to go.

But I had a pretty good time except I'm pretty sure their vodka was watered down because I had a lot of drinks and it can't just be the fact I balanced the last five with water that leaves me with no hangover today except feeling a little bit tired. Anyway I danced and my friend was really funny drunk so I had a good time, and my other friend was the skipper, which was really nice of her.

The thing of great importance I discovered last night was that it's absolutely inexcusable for a club to play "Uptown Girl" or any Billy Joel for that matter. As my 4-year-old would say in a TV-acquired American accent - "Eeeeewwwwww..."

Well I guess I should've gone to the other club.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 12

MeanDean — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 10:13:03 GMT

Wednesday 9 December 2009, 9:12 PM

Radio Damaged during attack. Enemy came hard and fast. Troops overwhelmed. I'm last survivor in compound.

Saw orange smoke on mountain peak 36-J. I'm 10 clicks away. Enemy burrows at peak sunshine hours of day. Suspect that seasonal UV exposure causes too much irritation to their alien skin.

Orange smoke could be Alien trap to flush out survivors from bases within line of sight, then again it could be a legitimate call for help.

Will shelter here for the night, then head for hill 36-J during high UV hours and hope for no heavy clouds appearing in the sky.

Overtaking a working alien craft to get off world is not a wise action. Can only hope that orange smoke turns out to be Alliance and enough of them to overtake a working ship. Would be certain death if I tried it on my own.

My overall mood about the situation is optimistic despite the odds. Back on Earth I had planned to have sex on every continent. Asia and Antarctica are still my virgins so I feel my odds of escaping and getting back home are pretty good.

noentrytitle

walli — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:10:49 GMT

I have plans to read blogs people imagine nobody will ever want to :dD

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 11

MeanDean — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:38:19 GMT

Thursday 3 December 2009, 11:30 PM

Not Much really going on.

Rearanged a bunch of furniture again, this time in attempt to create a psychological feeling of a bigger workspace for my wife by swapping the towering filing cabinet with the bookshelf. It worked.
It involved, of course, dropping lots of things behind heavy objects that needed to be moved in order to be retrieved.
Unfortunate result is that now the towering filing cabinet is sitting right next to me, and I feel psychologically boxed in. Will, possibly tommorow, swap out other couch with dinner table and move to other couch, thus creating the illusion of more space and removing monolithic filing cabinet blockage that keeps me from seeing my wife when she is at her desk and I'm on the couch.

Stated in previous blog that I don't know if this section is moderated and will be testing to find out. Downloaded picture of lesbians from google images, and typed all of the above for no other reason than to make sure it doesn't show up on the blog previews, and thus thwarting the possibility of attention to it from the random blogs coming up when clicking on the blog section.

Here it goes:

Attached Thumbnails

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 10

MeanDean — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 03:19:50 GMT

Monday 30 November 2009, 2:20 PM

I really don't have much to write about. I'm incredibly bored, which is why I'm here.

I do have a few things on my mind at the moment though... and as follows:

Why the hell is "Murder She Wrote" on afternoon television? Who watches it?

My muscles in my upper right shoulder are very tense and I'm now in some pain, especially went bending and lifting and throwing stuff around and that sort of stuff. As a sub thought to this thought, once, my nerve got pinched very badly and I couldn't reach my arm all the way above my head. I went to grab some juice from on top of the kitchen cupboards, and my arm wouldn't go all the way, and then I had decreased strength in it. It came back when the pressure came off. Had a bit of numbness too. It was a whole shoulder problem apparently. I felt it sort of pop into place when it resolved.

Why the hell can't my wife like canned chilli? I like it and its so easy in comparison to the things I prepare that I'd like to substitute canned junk with.

Is that real beef in canned chili, or is it rat meat? Do I care?

Why are there sometimes boobies and sex scenes in the middle of the day on TV?

I wonder what's in the packages under the tree that my wife put there. There's three of them. I know that one will be and electric razor.

Yep, so that's about it.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 9

MeanDean — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 01:17:12 GMT

Friday 27 November 2009, 12:17 PM

I survived the lighting of the Christmas tree at Martin place. I've already talked about it twice so I thought I'd give an update on it.

The show sucked compared to last year. It was terrible. There was that hippie girl from playschool and she was good because she was singing familiar playschool songs, and she's pretty animated. My daughter liked that part a lot. We went with her cousin and parents. My daughter and her cousin, same age, were dancing around like crazy, so they liked that part too. They like to hit each other and get mad, then hug each other, then laugh and play, then hit each other... well they don't really hit very much at all, but they sure don't know what sharing means yet and can argue and play tug of war with just about anything, and push each other over and stuff.

When we first got there, we put our blankets on the ground, then more people came and this guy put his bag partway on our blanket. I happened to have the pram in my hand and picked it up and swung it across and smacked his bag out of the way. You have to be ruthless at these things... regardless, by the end of it there were people overlapping their blankets onto ours, I couldn't really move position very easily and it was really uncomfortable.
We probably looked like we were hogging space becuase we had room for the kids to dance and wrestle, and I'm sure everyone thought we were jerks, but then an hour later everyone else came which was 4 more adults and anyone who had bad thoughts or worked their way into our space now had to feel the shame of knowing that they had gotten it wrong, and that evey inch they had stolen from our space was now a major inconvenience.

Yeah so the kids liked it, or at least the part were the hippie Playshcool girl sang. I don't know her name. An older lady with short hair and a pink shirt came out and sang with a screeching and horrible voice, song after song after song after song after song, and every time she said "How many people out there are here with family?" or something like that, it was just dead silence. She sucked. My wife said that no one was listening and I looked around and sure enough, it was a crowd full of people staring at everything but the stage.

There was a kids choir, and they were okay, but not really the appropriate thing for the kids that would be attending the event I think. I think the woman who sucked at singing stayed on stage longer than she was supposed to as well, because the tree is supposed to be lit at 9:00, but it didn't get done until 9:20ish.

I had a good time while our kids were playing, which was about the first half of the time, but after that it was just uncomfortable to sit.

The real downside this year, is that someone, somewhere must have puked up the nastiest smell ever. I was looking around for where it was and never did figure it out. Its been since I was a kid that the smell of puke, or seeing someone else puke has made me puke, but I almost did multiple times last night, and the feeling lingered for like an hour after we left.

It occurs to me that I'm really focusing on the negative. Overall, I didn't have a bad time. I enjoyed the company, the kids had a great time for a while during the show and for a while afterwards later.

Anyway, we got home late, and then I woke up, ate breakfast, then I checked my email, other internet crap, and here I am, so there's really not much to type about, plus I'm still sort of waking up as I don't feel well rested.

Oh... that reminds me. I stopped drinking coffee, and the addiction is gone, but fuck I miss it because I love the taste. I have some decaf so I'm going to get some in a second.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 8

MeanDean — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 03:26:14 GMT

Thursday 26 November 2009, 2:25 PM

My wife is getting home a little early so we can go to this stupid Christmas event at Martin Place where they eventually light the stupid lights on the stupid tree. The kids like it, but I think my wife likes it even more.
She called me from work and asked me to have a tuna sandwhich ready for our daughter because my wife is picking her up on the way home and says that when she gets off work she usually has part of her sandwich left that she hasn't eaten and that Leia eats it in the car, and loves it.
I know that my wife is a slow eater, and that even when she schedules herself a lunch in anticipation that no-one will cancel an appointment, that she still can't seem to eat the whole thing in the allocated time, and I don't understand why, but oh well.
I don't really care that the sandwich isn't completely eaten. Oh yeah I forgot to say that I make her lunches that she takes with her. What bothers me, is that she gets home with my daughter and I'm hoping to either have dinner almost ready when she comes home, so that she has time to kick off her work clothes and so forth, or I try to serve within an hour of her getting here. This means serving Leia too. All this time I thought Leia was a picky eater, that she was being sort of defiant at times. I've been cooking separate meals for her trying to get her interested in our food... but no, the reason is that my wife is feeding her the uneaten part of her sandwich on the way home. I'm a little annoyed at this.
Not only that, but there's a line that's crossed, where my daughter makes it a game to not eat, and the line is when she's outright deviant and ordering one of us "NO!" when we say "Do you want a bite of chicken?" or something, because as soon as that happens I get up with a peice of chicken and she IS taking a bite, otherwise it becomes acceptable for her to order us around at the dinner table, and were very passive about it to begin with.
So yeah, the sandwich eating makes me more of an authoritarian than I need to be as well.

I can't put my hands flat on the ground. I can't, for example, do pushups because my wrists won't bend that far. They will but I'll snap a bunch of ligaments or tendons or something. I had an injury 9 years ago where I fell 10 almost completely head first and broke a lot of bones and crushed nerves in both wrists when I landed as I landed hands first to swing my body down more and keep from landing straight on my head. It was really successful, and I ended up landing on my chest. I still smacked my forehead on the ground... the physics of the fall are still rather baffling. Anyway, I also sort of bounced, and came straight back up to my feet in a half crouching position, and I just stood there for a moment to see if smacking my head was going to knock me out or not, because I knew I was hurt and was going to lay down backwards rather than fall again... but I didn't get knocked out so it was all good. I mangled both of my wrists and had 3 surgeries. Broke one of my elbows that I wasn't aware of straight away becuase of the pain in my wrists, and had a rather large scab on my leg (with only a couple drops of blood supprisingly) that later fell off to reveal a festering mess that I had to have X-rayed to see if it went all the way to the bone. It almost did.
Anyway, I wore casts for 5 months on one arm and 7 months on the other, and I never got the mobility back. So its not that I can't do push ups.. its that doing them on your fists with your wrists straight is really hard (go ahead and try one), and I can't be bothered.
Ever since the casts came off, I can't put my hands straight to have sex. I use my fists to support myself, and when my daughter wants a horse back ride, I use my fists to crawl around. So that's about it for now. I have some mild arthritis on occasion in some of the joints in my left hand that I'm sure is related because its the same ones that hurt like hell when I did it, and later when I hadn't had the casts off long and tried to break a longboard in half by punching it. Apparently my left hand only gets one really good punch, and if that object decides that it doesn't want to move, then I can no longer use that hand for long enough to make a difference. I don't remember why I brought this up. I think its because when I sit on the ground and put my hands on the ground to support me, its again my fists, and today I expect that the pavement is going to be really hot at the stupid Christmas tree thing. We're getting there ridiculously early to get good ~~seats~~ pavement.
I hoped it would rain but its fairly unlikely, and I then hoped it would at least be a little cloudy all day to keep the pavement from getting direct sunlight, but its been sunny. Its 27 degrees outside which means the pavement is 4 million degrees.

In Los Angeles, on hot days, they would sometimes tell you on the news, during the weather report, how long it would take to cook an egg on the sidewalk. Its sort of a bizarre measurement, but then again some ancient civilisations used to keep records of how perky the womens' nipples would get in the winter. This was the earliest form of temerature measurement.
No I'm just kidding. I thought of that when I was in England in the winter and it was -3 degrees outside at noon. Here I am recycling the joke 2 years later. The egg thing is true though. I wonder if they still do that.

So I think that Leroy Peterson is my secret Santa. I think his query in the shoutbox about supersaturating lollies into softdrinks was an attempt to get to know me better.

If it isn't him then its siliegrrl, because when I sent her a message about all systems being go, she said something about wondering what my secret Santa would get me. Then again, she has the taste of power, being the one that's the central source of ... she's the central server.

Sex this morning. Not bad. Was average.

My name is Dean, and these are my words.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 7

MeanDean — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 06:35:50 GMT

Monday 23 November 2009, 5:35 PM

Loose stool again today. Not unpleasant though, just something that you don't usually talk about, so I thought that I would.

Its official. I now don't really like Windows, Mac, or Linux. I really enjoyed Linux as a desktop machine while I used it, and I still use many tools that I used on it both on my Mac, and remotely, for example right now I'm converting files on the machine hooked up to the TV up to DVD format. I didn't think I'd ever be converting to DVD format again, but here I am.
The truth is that Linux really would be a great choice, being free and all, if a small handfull of projects got just a little better, and shit got ported to it more often. The last Ubuntu release was pretty good, I even was able to tether my iphone for internet use as easy as on the Mac. Some things sucked arse though. It'd be a bore to go into it, but I'll cut it down to one, also boring, sentence and say that packaging from Debian unstable was this time not a good idea.

I get a massage today. I get my fat body massaged and its supposed to make me lose weight. I've now officially weighed myself on my doctor's scale, however I've already lost considerable amounts.. visibly, and according to a tape measure, and I'll just have to see how it goes now. Oh right... the good part. She does a really relaxing bit on my back. Most of the time I think to myself "Its probably only another $50 for her to continue and give me a really nice massage," but that is for the corporate whimps, plus she doesn't really speak my language and if even if it isn't sensual, I need some sort of dialouge to feel like there's a buffer between me and the person who's making my body feel great.
I always think its a bit strange to pass by a place in a shopping mall and its a little tiny hole it the wall with a curtain and barely even enough room for one person and the massage therapist.

Yeah so... in less than an hour this lady will be here, and usually after she does it, she puts voodoo heat cream on me, and wraps plastic wrap, then aluminium foil, then plastic wrap again on top, around my belly and chest. It's absolutely ridiculous, but she comes from a country where everyone is pretty superstitious and I'm sure she beleives this part is beneficial. I think it just makes my skin feel as if it is hot where it is, makes me sweat, which means I'm sweating under plastic wrap and some creme stuff and it feels all sloppy. When I take it off, my skin is red, and it still hurts for a little while. Also, she made me this shirt out of stretchy material that's so freaking tight that I honestly can't breath as well as I should because my chest doesn't expand like its supposed to.

Today when she comes, hopefully my wife will be back, but also my cousin in law will be here, so I'll have two translators, and I'm finally going to tell her that I don't want the torture cream, plastic wrap, and that I'm not wearing the shirt of despair. I figured out this morning that I actually already know how to verbalise all of that, without the adjectives, without help. I'd thought about telling her before, but I haven't wanted to have a bilingual debate about it. So basically I'll be telling her out of my own mouth in the presence of my wife and her cousin, and then if there's any debate I can say why in English, nicely and not like I just did, and then keep on saying "No quiero."

These inlaws are going overseas this week, so we have a mini Christamas... got them gifts. Maybe they got us some. Don't know. Cooked enough food to feed everyone but can freeze it if not. I'm a well organized ~~housewife~~ Darth Vader.

Thursday, I'm meant to go to the Christmas tree thing at Martin Place. I went last year. We were almost all the way up front, and oddly, Georgie Parker (who was hosting it) sort of kept on looking at me. It wasn't my imagination. I didn't even really make anything of it until I'd gone to walk around a couple of times. She was following me with her eyes like she had a crush. It honestly was like that. Then it went away later.
Anyway, you have to get there early and sit in the scorching hot sun to get a spot at all. Also, anyone reading this who plans on going, should get some kind of heat buffer to go between their arse, hands, arms, feet, or whatever you're sitting on the ground with. The ground is like 160 degrees and it stays that way until 1 AM. I feel sorry for homeless people now that I think of it. Probably not 1 AM though. The other word of advice, is to go with a group and spread out just a bit, because the more people that come, the more you're going to feel obligated to cram in, and in my case, I ended up sitting next to a guy in business clothes that stank worse than any cab driver I've ever ridden with. In fact it was worse than anyone that I've ever encountered, ever. The breeze would occasionally just barely start and it was coming straight at me as well. I didn't care about the breeze bringing the smell, because I could already smell him, but a bunch of my inlaws were on the other side of me from that breeze, and I didn't want them to think it was me.

Right, so some playschool folks come out. Some other kids TV show people come out. The kids love it, I hate it but survive, then Santa comes out and he pulls the big thing that makes the light to the giant tree come on.

I hope it rains to be honest. The back up plan is to go out to dinner if it rains. I'd rather go out to dinner than sit on a hot pavement and have a scorched bum. Its also dirty. People walk there all day.

So its 5:30, no inlaws are here, my wife isn't here yet... I thought I'd be cutting this short, but I'm out of mundane crap to go on about.

Oh yeah, I remembered. I thought I had finished my Christmas shopping, but I hadn't. NOW I have finished my Christmas shopping. Life is good. I'm glad I got it out of the way.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 6

MeanDean — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:58:51 GMT

Wednesday 18 November, 1:59 AM

One day, a long long time ago, in the US, in the summer, and described here in a sentence with a lot of commas, in Florida, where summer is really hot, I was working at a halfway house, and part of my job for a short while was shopping and cooking for everyone. We only had 8 clients at that time, but in addition there was me and my boss, so I was shopping and cooking for 10 people on a really restrictive budget. I used to shop at a Super WalMart. Its really the only place you can hope to feed 10 people on less than $150 a week, and I'm still amazed that I managed it. They carried huge portions of things though, like instead of buying a normal sized can of beans, you can buy a restaurant sized ones and the price break is significant. It isn't like that for that many items at WalMart though.

I'd usually take a couple clients with me to help out, and also so the could actually witness the budget I was working with and how far it went because it curbed their bitching about not being able to eat crap cheeseburgers out of the microwave at any given moment, or other such stuff, especially since we ran a program where they were directly responsible for the money they paid to stay there, by requiring them to get a job.

So one day... oh wait... there's another story here too. Our administrator, who was useless except that she was the head of a treatment center so the company was basically paying her to do nothing but send referals, but I still had to fax her all the reports I did. Anyway this one guy was a bit of a sex addict, especially in the absence of drugs, and I thought it was that he just made some stupid decisions about women... like seriously very bad choices that led to some stupid dramas in the environment, but it wasn't uncharactoristic of the environment and he was just a little worse. One day I took him shopping, and in the US, prostitution is okay... except that its been outlawed by every state, except Nevada, and out of all the counties in Nevada, there's only one that hasn't outlawed it. I think its only one. So basically, there's only one little spot in all of the US where brothel's are legal. The taboo of prostitution is pretty ... large, as one can deduce. Its also why its always illegal when you see it in US film. I didn't know what the word 'brothel' meant until I moved to Australia and heard it. I'd all my life been saying 'whorehouse'.

So this guy was a good guy. He was an honest guy when he wasn't high, and he was an honest guy rapidly after getting clean too. On top of that his prognosis was really favourable, which is refreshing when 3/4 of the people you deal with are there by court order, or in hopes of sucking up to a judge during an impending court date. It was common for people to lie and say they were voluntary and weren't there as part of a parole or probation, which was retarded because we didn't care anyway and only asked to document ... okay we wanted to know if we had been violent criminals and if was incredibly serious we ... hadn't yet crossed that bridge... and also we would admittedly come up with a convenient excuse to turn away sex offenders, as a legal liability to us (plus its creepy), and I don't remember how I got to be typing about this...

Oh yeah... this guy was a good guy all around. Also, our administrator was incredibly hot, and although I was never allowed to say anything about that observation, there was always alot of talk amoungst everyone else about it. She came around and talked to everyone every now and then... then she'd leave and all of the sex deprived (by nature of male institutionalisation) guys would say what people say sometimes.

So I was shopping with this guy, and 10 minutes walk or so was a motel that was sort of thriving on the business of crack dealers living there and people buying and renting the rooms to smoke it and screw prostitutes. You would never know by driving by the place though, because the literally did live at the motel and there weren't dealers or prostitutes hanging out outside. I didn't know until that guy told me.

He went missing. We couldn't find him. We went to the parking lot and I saw him walking back. Asked him where he'd been. I thougt he'd been across the street at another motel where the crack was obvious.
So it was a pain because I was going to have to do a thorough drug test which instead of doing a "random" or "hmm... maybe" drug test, was more than just giving someone a home pregnancy test style one, but driving him an hour to the treatment center where our administrator refered from, having him p*ss in a cup, having it sent to a lab, and getting the results back, which by the way it takes WAY longer to receive urine or blood tests like that in the US than it does in Australia. Here if you get a blood test, you get the results the next day sometimes. In the US its a week, and you might be dead by then if you actually needed the blood test.

He saved me the trouble and just fessed up, and this is sort of a testament to the taboo of prostitution in US culture because saying so was surely less preferable for him that if he had actually gotten high and was going to magically think he was going to avoid a positive result (which always happens, and I'd previously done that myself when drug tested when I was using, as well).

So he just told me not to bother, that he'd gone and screwed a whore. Its pretty weird because apparently at that particular place, the guys actually pimp the girls out, and he used to go there before he came to the halfway house. The arrangement meant that he had to screw the girl with whoever was taking part of the profit, still in the room. That's a really weird arrangement I think. I've gotten high with whores when I didn't have anywhere to smoke and had guys come around and knock on the door every 10 minutes and want to make sure things were okay, and thought that was excessive.

Okay right... so I guess its weird now, and far less a big deal, but at the time it was because I ended up, if I remember right, either waiving, shortening, or giving him the lightest reprimand that I could contort into applying... I think I gave him the lightest thing possible for visiting the area where dope was being sold and called it 'disrespect for his fellow housemates as a community' and I don't remember how the hell I justified that. In the US it should have been more serious because he'd gone AWOL. Anyway, the real punishment was that I had to write a report and send it off to our hot administrator in a society where screwing a whore is a step down from screwing a sheep.

Yeah so that's it.

What I was originally going to say though, is that when I walked around this store in the Florida summer, there'd be lots of girls in tshirts, some without bras, and I once thought out loud, to the same guy coincidentally, something like, "They should pay us to walk around behind some of the girls, following them and holding up their boobs if they aren't wearing a bra. Its just the right thing to do. Its good customer service."
As it happens, my wife let my play "bra-man" today when I remembered it while she was doing stuff in the kitchen.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 5

MeanDean — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 15:34:26 GMT

Monday 16 November, 2:34 AM

I'm going to go, right now, and find out what AM and PM mean...
...okay, all in Latin, "meridiem" is "noon". "Ante" is "before". "Post" is the same so we take it directly from Latin. And we thus have Before Noon and After Noon.

My wife is jealous because I'm price checking something with a friend of ours for a female I only know from the internet. I was kind of offended. I know why I guess, and its mostly because I've been sort of flirty with our friend in the past, and then all of a sudden I have price questions for someone else who's female that she doesn't know. I have two objections on my side of it though. One is that I've never given her any reason to have any fears, and they have been excessive in the past... I do have to admit that recently I've done things that she would not like, so I've decided that I should just stop asking Jassi to send topless photos to my private message box, which is the big example here. She of course has not sent that, if anyone is reading and wondering.
The other objection I have, resolving the above indiscretion, is that I was flirty when she married me. Its fun, its something that I actually do not feel so comfortable doing or don't enjoy much unless she is there because then I know that I'm not doing something naughty or keeping a secret, and this isn't what makes her jealous either. What makes her jealous is, and to use an example from when we were first married and the first day, or few days after, I discovered a message forum, I was typing away and she walked by and said "What's this!" really mad. It said "Private Message: 1". I said "I don't know". I clicked on it and it was from someone welcoming me to the site and saying they liked my posts. Then she asked who it was. It was a girl, as it happens, but it was also, in as little time as I'd been there to absorb the place, someone that I knew was a very gay girl and wasn't interested in me. I was almost not allowed to use message forums.

Well the bright side is that she gets over these jealous thoughts really fast. When we first got married though, she was a bit insecure... not about me I think, but including me among other things. I'm not saying that's bad by the way. I'm an insecure little baby and need instant gratification all the time. We were just discussing this recently as a matter of fact, and I ended up just accepting it and being okay with being a baby. Anyway, she's grown enormously. She's still jealous of one person though. I won't be specific lest she one day reads this while I'm sleeping or if I'm dead and she's depressed and going through my stuff with that person. My wife would knows who it is though, and here's my thing... It fun! It isn't intense, it's only when my wife is present on both of our parts, and the more I or my wife is friends with that person, the more serious and less playful we are by nature... so I don't feel like I'm doing anything bad.
I know some people would say "Yes you are... you're being disrespectful because you know it bothers your wife but you continue to do it," but once again, she knew that she was marrying me. I don't feel that its fair for me to stop being me, or to hold back from being me all the time.
I don't curse often, but when I'm around people who find it completely innapropriate, I have that extra thing to worry about and I can't simply be me. Its hard enough to simply be me when you are me (you'd have to be me to fully understand :p), and the last thing I really want is to have extra worries on top of my own personal insecurities. Its like going to your couple friends' house for dinner but having to keep your arse clenched about something as simple as a stray curse word, that might only normally every 3rd visit, is annoying. It isn't a deal breaker but you sort of know that these aren't people that are ever going to be your best buddies, in all probability. So this applies to the thing with the scrutiny of me disrespecting my wife like I had already stated... that she knows me, and that I should be allowed to be me. We have been married for 7 years, and as with her (which I believe is a healthy attitude) she will be herself regardless of any objection I might have, and I'm going to be me as well. I intend to (within being me, so saying "you shouldn't flirt you bastard" isn't valid, and it isn't even something I much do btw... only when I can, but no more) do everything that I can to avoid cheating. Because of that, I get annoyed at her jealousy even at times when I understand that she might not like something... I feel that she should trust me.

There's those shows "Where are they now?"...
I wonder if the cast of "Jackass" will ever be featured?

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 4

MeanDean — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:39:31 GMT

Saturday 14 November 2009, 11:39 PM

Still haven't looked up AM and PM to see what they mean. Still don't care.

Think blog section may be unmoderated. Will test theory at a random date by posting inappropriate images.

Wife is really, really carefree recently. Don't know why, and don't care. Presume that it took her this long to get over the psychological impact of how childbirth changes a woman's body, especially since she had a strand of skin that needed to be cut off later by a surgeon ("oooh.. cuttin for the very first time. Like a surrererergeon," <--It's Weird Al).

Yeah so, now ... I would go into details, but I have the feeling that people perceive me, ever since Drifter left, as the phorum scumbag, and I don't want to be the scumbag.

That's it. I have nothing else to report.

Oh wait. I mentioned that I was doing fat reduction massage stuff. I was incredibly skepticle, but its worked better than I had secretly hoped. Anyway, I paid money for this tight stretchy shirt thing that I hate and never wear. I bring it to the appointments though and pretend like I wear it and that I have it off when I go because I have to take my shirt off anyway. Women can probably relate to this. Its like one of those things that women wear that pulls all their belly fat in and squishes it and makes them a size or two smaller, only even more restricting and more uncomfortable. It cuts circulation off to my arms a little... because mine is like a whole shirt, if I sit down for too long, and then if I walk around... like walk all over in my suburb, then its so tight that I'm actually getting less air because my lungs don't expand as far as they normally would. So because of that, and the thought that I'm wearing a virtual male corset, I don't wear the damn thing. Its supposed to keep your skin from sagging after rapid weight loss I think... not sure because I barely speak the language of the lady who does this to me.

Okay that's all for today. Sorry to dissapoint my mass of fans that send me more emails every day than I can keep up with.

I should apologise for that too, but please keep in mind that I get up to 20,000,000 fan mails every day, and I can only respond to so many. I set a goal of 30 responses per day and I meet that on most days, but not always.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 3

MeanDean — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:18:54 GMT

Friday 13 November 2009, 3:16 AM

Noticed that it's Friday the 13th. What does it mean? Should I care?

Still haven't looked up what AM and PM stand for. Still don't care.

Barely sleeping properly. Daughter got sick. I had extra responsibility as a result, barely slept for a couple days then stayed up for a really lengthy period. Has made me very emotional. I think I have a good natural grip on what women go through on a monthly basis, except for me it can occur more often and more intensely in some circumstances.

Neighbors live too close. Have curtain blind thingys always only halfway pulled because part of the desk blocks it from closing so that it can also block my daughter from discovering a heap of extention cords, splittes, and power strips.
I can hear one of my neighbors coughing right now, I guess because its summer.
Didn't realise that occasional 3:00 AM internet porn and masturbation was as risky as it is. Now have to take the laptop to the other couch if I want to do that. Months back, I was doing something, and I noticed a light go on a level above me, and I sort of stopped, then there was a shadow figure in the window and I thought "f***!", and wondered if they were looking at me or if maybe they were just using the bathroom or something and I could see someone's shadow, so I didn't put anything away since I wasn't sure, but then after a little bit it became apparent that they must be looking at me, and that casting a shadow on the window might have been intentional so that I'd know they could see. It had, however, been long enough that when I figured it out I thought to myself "but... they should have stopped staring and gone back about their business after this amount of time... now they are more than just making a statement, but kind of perving, or at least looking longer than they should. So feeling that way about it, I started going again. It wasn't until after that that I started moving to the other couch, out of sight. Told my wife how this went down more accurately at the time as I was able to remember it very specifically the next day... because the last thing you want is some anonymous stranger calling you a pervert or saying "Quit jerking off in plain view" in public and having to explain it at that moment instead, and she supprisingly wasn't mad at me, but also felt a little mad at the neighbours and just heavily emphasised that I'm more careful.

Wife is mad at me right now. Thinks I'm a pain, I think. I am, but these things are a 2 way street with her side being ignored at present. Chances of sex have been greatly reduced, and chances of really good intimate sex are not foreseeable for the near future. Maybe next week.

Have formed a solid opnion of OS X after quite a bit of use, finally.
The amount of disk space used by 3rd party applications is ridiculous. The amount of disk space used by native applications is even more ridiculous.
Security I'm unsure of, though stability is a problem in comparison to the bullshit I've heard about how great it is.
Ease of use is something that takes more adjustment than OS X promoters would tell you, but it is something that after a bit of time, and not a little bit, but a bit, is possibly easier to use than Windows, GNOME, or KDE, which are all more similar than they are differant. Learning to use OS X is probably a harder task than using any of the other mentioned desktop environments. Learning to use it effectively anyway. For example, given the way I use it, which isn't the way everyone would, reliance on keyboard shortcuts is a must.
As for the other statements, Applications are easier to install and remove, however the dynamic linking on OS X is handled in a really disk hungry manner. You have your basic standard libraries, but then anything extra that programs might share aren't installed on the machine in a shared folder but are part of the application bundle. The idea is not to create static builds of everything, but include any extra libraries that might be needed, within the application folder, and the OS is supposed to first look and see if another application already had loaded the same 3rd party library into RAM, and if so it uses what is in RAM. If not, then it loads them from what is in the application bundle. Every application is just a folder that contains the necissary binaries or scripted codes, along with libraries it may want that the base OS install doesn't provide. I don't know how this idea would sound to someone coming from a Windows background, as I've read criticism of Windows dynamic libraries in the past, though that may have been solved, or the complaints may have been by people who were struggling in endeavours of learning more and just weren't there yet. Coming from a Linux perspective, this is a monumental waste of disk space and I can see it and feel it when I look at how big my disk is and how much is being used. Its just grows and grows and grows.
As for native applications wasting space, I'm sort of a slave to iTunes, for example, because I use it for my iPhone. Its the only option for the iPhone as supported by Apple. You can use other things as a media player, and I do... I only use it as an audio player if and when I use the computer as an audio player, which is sort of often because my daughter demands music sometimes, then demands that I dance with her. She demands it is spanish... points to the floor and says "Dance!"
Right, so you have a folder called Music and one called Movies when you install, and ...at least one of those you can't delete... I think... not sure and don't care to look right now. You can put all your music in your Music folder, but now when you tell iTunes to add it to your iTunes library so you can play it, it copys it to another folder. iTunes does that with anything you give it. If you give it a movie then it copies the movie... etc, so you end up with 2 copies of everything on your drive. If you aren't familiar with the OS, then you wouldn't know this, and the place that it copies things to would seem rather obscure and a new user would have real troubled finding it. The solution is to delete the original you ripped from, or back it up externally and then delete it, or in the case of stuff you already have externally, just import it straight from the external drive. These aren't things you'de know as a newb.

Time machine is pretty good. Apple made it out to be the innovation of the year when it came out, but the reality is that its just a small step up from already existing free and open source backup software with a bling bling GUI. Anyway, I've shuffled crap loads of data around screwing around with the latest Ubuntu and then Gentoo, because partitioning is a motherf***er on OS X and requires a complete delete and repartition of everything once you start making small partitions, or start messing with non-OS X partitioning tools. Time machine hasn't failed me yet.
Oh yeah... I mentioned stability. I don't really know what to beleive when I hear people talk about Vista's stability since these things often have a lot to do with someone's opinion of other OS's and less to do with the OS they like, but if it is as stable as what seems to get reported by Vista lovers or Mac haters, then OS X is probably comperable. I've only once had it crash entirely, and very rarely something will go wrong. iTunes screwed up pretty bad on me during a phone update and it was annoying becuase iTunes is sort of part of the OS.
With this disk space thing, I've made a few projects in iMovie, and I've done as much as I can to delete everything off the drive once I was done with them, but I haven't gone poking around yet to see if they're still there eating disk space, and it wouldn't supprise me if they were.
I actually had planned to look for a port of openshot to OS X but I doubt there is one. I don't know if its any good either but should suit my purposes as much as iMovie, the way I have used it, from what I hear.
Did I mention that a lot of these programs included in the iLife package aren't exactly easy to figure out and have little documentation? They have little videos when you start the program up, but it really isn't that helpful later on when its an hour later and you're ready to save everything.
Damn... the OS kind of sucks now that I've started typing about it, especially since iLife is part of the bundled software now.

Comparing to Windows... OS X is, for now, more fireproof in the way of malware (we're told), and for real beginners it would be easier to learn. I had a dyslexic friend that swore by Mac long before there was even a rivalry.
Oh yeah... I didn't mention gaming. As for the hardware, I have a friend that wants to get the most recent laptop because he reckons it'll be a better experience than getting a desktop. He also wants an iPhone, so maybe its just a case of 'gimee' fever manifested in blingy tech products. Anyway, his wife was asking me about it. I wasn't able to answer her questions, but from the sound of it he's interested in a machine that has a 4 core processor along with what's he claimed is a good graphics card, and presumably he has read about the extra GPU in the macbookpros and how coding games is meant to be geared toward using that as an extra workhorse. Presumabaly he wants to put Windows 7 on it. I think I should tell him that this overall thinking needs to be better researched for a number of reasons.

Its kind of odd that I started off by once again being sort of intentionally annoying by talking about things like masturbating, and ended up on an assessment of OS X that I never completed properly.

Well... ironically, as Macmania winds down, more people actually seem to be wanting Apple products. I think this is because the wanker factor of owning Apple has been removed. There's even a Dominos pizza app on the iPhone now that they're advertising.

The Chronicles of Dean - Part 2

MeanDean — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:37:39 GMT

Tuesday 10 November 2009; 5:16 PM

Still don't know what the f*** AM and PM stand for... still don't care.

Boring day. Nothing to do.

Measured doors for replacements. Realised that the hinges are screwed into the door, but are welded to the metal door frame... f***! Also, they all have to have little things cut out where the hinges will go back in, so that the hinges are level with the wood. The hinges are also not the same level on all 3 doors. Hopefully I can take one off and bring it to Bunnings, and they can cut the doorknob hole and the grooves for the hinges to fit in from the door I bring them, and if that works then I can bring the others.

Lost 17 inches on my belly and 13 inches from under my chest in 3 weeks. I am mighty. 3 weeks, 6 sessions, and significant results. I didn't change my diet or work out... I'm on the dream weight loss program of fat reduction massage. I bring this up not to talk about it, but to simply point out (because it makes no real sense to do so other than to be stupid) that yesterday when I got my massage, after I got up to be massaged with some witchdoctor heatcream and wrapped with plastic wrap (bizzare but not worth the argument that would ensue if I didn't cooperate), the window was open and it was cold which made my left nipple get stiff.
That's all... I just wanted to say that my left nipple got stiff. Sometimes you want to say things, but you can't just say it without the background story or its just way too far out there.

Coincidentally, my penis was stiff on ... well for sure on Sunday. I remember that much pretty well.

Ate too much for lunch... don't want dinner I think. Have a habit of a family meal so I'll have a small bit.

I haven't showered since Sunday. My right armpit smelled, so I put more deodorant on it... its fixed now. Will shower later.

What the hell is with newer DVD copy protection these days? I have to use VLC to rip it but in "show file locally" so that I can select the movie off the menu... then it takes the length of the movie itself to actually get it on the hard drive. If I do it any other way, with some titles, then it starts out skipping part of the beginning of the movie. Some of the sound doesn't rip if I don't use the right settings as well. This recent frustration wasn't something I don't own either, but something I just bought and would rather have on my computer connected to the TV, because for me, pulling my hair out over ripping a title, then letting it encode for a long time, and sending it over to the other computer, and having to get up and turn that computer on when I want to watch it, is easier than getting up and putting the disk in the player.
Did I mention that there was all kinds of artifacting when I encoded the rip untill I did it with mencoder at the command line? What a pain. I had to explain to my wife how this is easier than putting the disc in. She still doesn't believe me.