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Thread: Jokes

  1. #1
    whizzfizz's Avatar
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    Talking Jokes

    thought we have a joke thread *hides from watcher*
    heres one to get the ball rolling


    A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving.
    The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent.
    Anything you say will be held against you."
    The drunk replies, "Breasts."

  2. #2
    dvd fan's Avatar
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    I got a in joke for a few of the regs here

    Guess who's birthday it is today

    Well I found it funny

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    No Big Loss.

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  5. #5
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    Just a reminder to keep the jokes reasonably clean, be careful about the subject matter of the joke and please don't flood the thread with cut and paste jobs from joke sites.

    Regards,

  6. #6
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    Oops I guess that was directed at me "sniff" didn't take me long to get in trouble by the Watcher.
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  7. #7
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    It was the usual General statement from Watcher.

    However, as you would agree, I'm sure it is partially directed at your joke involving 'sausage'

    EDIT:

    On a side note, I'd like to know why women justify themselves by poking fun at the male sex organ. You don't hear us guys saying Why does a womans ********* have a ********?!!. lol.

  8. #8
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    Because most men are obsessed with it lol.
    Radiators Rock

  9. #9
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    What a stereotype!

    In saying so, it could be also said that there are chicks that are just as infactuated with it.

    Those chicks are cool

  10. #10
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    Trust me sooner or later they get over it.
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  11. #11
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    Damn!

    hehe

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    So i take it any jokes involving Michael Jackson and people not old enough to vote are banned?
    IT IS SPELT GAOL!! NOT JAIL!!

  13. #13
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    oldie....but l like `em.....

    Q: why the koala fall out of the tree
    A: it was dead

    Q: why`d the tree fall down
    A: the koala didn`t let go

    Q: why`d the rabbit die
    A: the tree fell on it

    sorry.....shouldn`t do my baby ones though..

  14. #14

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    Originally posted by dvder
    oldie....but l like `em.....

    Q: why the koala fall out of the tree
    A: it was dead

    Q: why`d the tree fall down
    A: the koala didn`t let go

    Q: why`d the rabbit die
    A: the tree fell on it

    sorry.....shouldn`t do my baby ones though..
    These are hiliarious.. Id never heard of them before.
    IT IS SPELT GAOL!! NOT JAIL!!

  15. #15
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    One boring afternoon, Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.

    "Hello Mr Hussein," a heavily accented voice says, "This is Paddy down in County Meath, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you."

    "Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "This indeed is important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"

    "At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments' calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbours Gerry and the entire darts team from the pub - That makes 8!"

    Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my word."

    "Oh shit" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"

    Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"

    "What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks.

    "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."

    Once more Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 16 thousand tanks, 2 thousand mine layers, 14 thousand armoured cars and my army has grown to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."

    "Bugger me!" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've kitted out old Ted's crop sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"

    Once more Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers and 20 thousand Mig 109 high manoeuvrability attack planes and my military complex is surrounded by laser Guided surface to air missile sites and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."

    "Oh bollocks," says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."

    Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I
    am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

    "I'm very sorry to hear that," says Saddam, "Why the sudden change of
    heart?"

    "Well," says Paddy, "We've all had a chat and there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners."

  16. #16
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    love the joke...think l`ll steal it.......

  17. #17
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    The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said

    "Who owns the big white horse outside?"

    The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said,
    "I do...Why?"

    The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said,
    "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!"

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said,

    "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

    Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks,

    "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims,
    "I do, what's wrong with him this time?"

    The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,... "Nothing, but you left your Injun runnin'."

    Last edited by whizzfizz; 25-10-2002 at 10:30 AM.

  18. #18

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    now thats corny with a capital C
    IT IS SPELT GAOL!! NOT JAIL!!

  19. #19
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    Whats brown and Sticky ?




    A stick

  20. #20
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    Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?


    She didn't want one for the night.
    Radiators Rock

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