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Thread: Jokes

  1. #21
    MrMacabre's Avatar
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    Sad, but probably true.

  2. #22
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    Two dyslexic bankrobbers walk into a bank shouting:

    "Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f*ckup!"

  3. #23
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    Originally posted by jok11n
    Two dyslexic bankrobbers walk into a bank shouting:

    "Air in the hands motherstickers, this is a f*ckup!"
    HAHAHAHA

  4. #24

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    Ok time for some sad jokes - which I learnt when I was 6.

    Why'd the dinosaur cross the road?
    Chicken's weren't invented.

    Why'd the robot cross the road?
    Chicken's were extinct.

    Why'd the M&M go to school?
    Cos he wanted to be a smartie.


  5. #25
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    Originally posted by orko
    Why'd the M&M go to school?
    Cos he wanted to be a smartie.
    Why the hell would he want to be a smartie?!!

  6. #26

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    VOICE MAIL AT THE MENTAL HOSPITAL

    Hello,.....and welcome to the mental health hotline.

    If you are obsessive-compulsive,press 1 repeatedly

    If you are co-dependant,please ask someone to press 2 for you

    If you have multiple personalities,press 3,4,5 and 6

    If you are paranoid,we know who you are and what you want.Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional,press 7 and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.

    If you are schizophrenic,listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

    If you are manic-depressive,it doesn't matter which number you press,no one will answer.

    If you are dyslexic,press 96969696969696

    If you have short term memory loss,press 9.If you have short term memory loss,press 9.If you have short term memory loss,press 9.If you have short term memory loss,press 9.

    If you have low self esteem,please hang up.All operators are too busy to talk to you.

    If you are blonde,don't press any buttons,you'll just screw it up.

  7. #27

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    putting aside the outdated and politically incorrect Irish/Aboriginal jokes of the 80's

    here we are

    What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?


    Tyrannosaurus wrecksrolleyes:


    How does a pig go to hospital?


    In a hambulance. rolleyes:


    How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?


    All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

  8. #28
    dvd fan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by MrMacabre
    Why the hell would he want to be a smartie?!!
    So he could melt in your hand and not in your mouth I guess

  9. #29
    MrMacabre's Avatar
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    Originally posted by dvd fan
    So he could melt in your hand and not in your mouth I guess

  10. #30

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    A 90 year old man went to the Doctor for his annual checkup.
    The Doctor asked how he was feeling.
    The 90 year old says,
    I've never felt better,"I have an 18 year old bride who is pregnant with my child,What do you think of that?"
    The Doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins,
    "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.One day he was going out in a bit of a hurry,he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.
    When he got to the Creek he saw a prime Beaver sitting beside the stream of water.He raised his umbrella and went "Bang Bang", and the beaver fell over dead."
    "What do you think of that?"
    The 90 year old said,
    "I'd say someone else shot that beaver"
    The Doctor replied..........."My point exactly"

  11. #31
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    A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall cockroach was standing there. The cockroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off.

    The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away.

    The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the cockroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance.

    He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life.

    The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot cockroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing.

    The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there's a nasty bug going around."

  12. #32
    myst88 is offline EYO forum member I'm either new or don't have much to say

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    Why Staff Gets Tired?
    Ever wonder why staff is always dead tired by the end of the day and companies require no further physical fitness programs for their employees???

    REASONS BEING... Everyone gets enough exercise:

    Jumping to conclusion
    Beating around the bush
    Running down the boss
    Going around the circles
    Dragging their feet
    Passing the buck
    Climbing the ladder
    Wading through paperwork
    Pulling strings
    Throwing their weight around
    Stretching the truth
    Bending the rules, and
    Pushing their luck
    No wonder they are all tired at the end of a
    working day!!!!

  13. #33
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    one of my old favs

    A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

    Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.

    He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.

    All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"

    He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.

    He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"

  14. #34

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    This joke is from Money Train - the movie that made JLo famous.

    Why don't blind people skydive?
    Because it scares the shit out of their dogs!!
    I wish I had a dollar for everytime I put my two cents worth because then I'd be $0.98 richer...

  15. #35
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    Why doesn't Smoky the Bear have any children?









    Because every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel!

  16. #36
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    A drunk came came staggering out of the pub. He walked down the road and tripped over his own two feet. After an hour of lying on the ground the drunk spied something near him. He slid his way over to it. "MMM, looks like dog shit" said the drunk to himself. The drunk put his nose up to the heap of shit and said
    "MMMMMM, smells like dog shit. THe drunk picked up the pile of shit and said "definitly feels like dog shit." "Yum Yum, even tastes like dog shit". said the drunk. The drunk decided to pick himself up off the ground and steps to the left and says "yep that was dog shit alright lucky I didn't step in it."

  17. #37

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    What's the difference between a car tyre and 360+ used condoms?
    One is a Good Year. The other is a VERY GOOD YEAR!!
    I wish I had a dollar for everytime I put my two cents worth because then I'd be $0.98 richer...

  18. #38

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    Originally posted by layeggs
    What's the difference between a car tyre and 360+ used condoms?
    One is a Good Year. The other is a VERY GOOD YEAR!!
    I like it alot

  19. #39
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    Originally posted by whizzfizz
    A drunk came came staggering out of the pub. He walked down the road and tripped over his own two feet. After an hour of lying on the ground the drunk spied something near him. He slid his way over to it. "MMM, looks like dog shit" said the drunk to himself. The drunk put his nose up to the heap of shit and said
    "MMMMMM, smells like dog shit. THe drunk picked up the pile of shit and said "definitly feels like dog shit." "Yum Yum, even tastes like dog shit". said the drunk. The drunk decided to pick himself up off the ground and steps to the left and says "yep that was dog shit alright lucky I didn't step in it."
    Im sorry Wizzy but that was badddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!
    Dont give up your accounting job lol.
    Radiators Rock

  20. #40
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    Originally posted by HoundsOfLove
    Im sorry Wizzy but that was badddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!
    Dont give up your accounting job lol.

    well they get much worse

    just look at my next one
    (hides from watcher)

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