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Thread: Jokes

  1. #81
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    ok had to admit I had a giggle to that one
    Radiators Rock

  2. #82
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    Joe met his girlfriend's parents for the first time at their house over dinner. After the meal, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the Joe's chair. Unfortunately, after the hearty meal, Joe really had to fart. He stealthily let out a slow, barely audible fart.

    "Duke!" the dad yelled.

    "This is great!" thought Joe. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.

    "Duke!" the father barked. Joe thought he was home free, so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.

    "Duke!" the father screamed. "Get out of there before this bloke craps all over you!"

  3. #83
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    LOL. A couple of great jokes there.

    Looks like it's Battle Of the Jokes time, with Whizzfizz vs LayEggs.

  4. #84
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    A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, ''He isn't here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.'' By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers.
    She says, ''You're sure he isn't here?''
    The bartender says, ''Yes, I'm very sure.''
    The lady says, ''Well, I just wanted to tell him there's no toilet paper or soap in the women's restroom.''

  5. #85
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    WHIZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Radiators Rock

  6. #86
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    Originally posted by HoundsOfLove
    WHIZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    HHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNDSSSSSSSSYYYYYYY


    yes ???

    *bats eyelids innocently*

    ACCCKKKK!!!!!!!
    almost got busted by the boss then. was sitting here with a big a smirk on my face and he walked in and wanted to know wot i was smiling at

    close call

  7. #87
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    Originally posted by HoundsOfLove
    WHIZZYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I'll take your scream and raise it an:
    AAAARRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


    Whizzy, are these jokes or just your past experiences as a Bartender?

  8. #88
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    hehe.. just jokes dood... just jokes.

  9. #89

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    Originally posted by whizzfizz
    HHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNDSSSSSSSSYYYYYYY


    yes ???

    *bats eyelids innocently*

    ACCCKKKK!!!!!!!
    almost got busted by the boss then. was sitting here with a big a smirk on my face and he walked in and wanted to know wot i was smiling at

    close call
    I hope your hands weren't hidden under the desk. Reading a joke would've been the last thing he was thinking

  10. #90

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    I HAVE TO ADD THIS REALLY CRAPPY JOKE.

    *disclaimer - do not kill me after reading it *

    Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed.
    A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a notorious underworld
    figure,who went by the name of Artie. Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was 5,000 quid. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect
    his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front.
    The man opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
    A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local
    Woolworth's. There, he surprised her in the produce department, and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath, and slumped to the floor,the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene.
    Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
    Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
    sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

    And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:






    It's a beauty)






    (wait for it)





    "ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR AT WOOLWORTH'S."

  11. #91

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    BOO!!!!!

    Get out...
    Snoogans!

  12. #92

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    Does anyone remember the joke about the monks, and not being able to tell anyone cos their not a monk?? I can't remember but it has the biggest let down as a punch line in history. Physical abuse to the teller was always delivered.

  13. #93
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    Originally posted by orko
    Does anyone remember the joke about the monks, and not being able to tell anyone cos their not a monk?? I can't remember but it has the biggest let down as a punch line in history. Physical abuse to the teller was always delivered.
    I sure do man would ya like me to post it here ????

    not sure if it will fit in one "post" thou
    Last edited by whizzfizz; 15-11-2002 at 01:13 AM.

  14. #94
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    A man comes home after work to find his wife in the sack with the next door neighbour.

    He looks at his wife and yells “what the hell are you doing” !!!!!!!

    The wife turns to the neighbour and replies




    “see......… I told you he was stupid”

  15. #95
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    Ok Orko dont encourage him for gods sake.
    Radiators Rock

  16. #96
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    Originally posted by HoundsOfLove
    Ok Orko dont encourage him for gods sake.
    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...im sure ya would just luvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv the monk joke, but it has more impact when told verbally instead of reading it.

  17. #97

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    post the monk joke.

    theres a good duck joke at a bar but i forgot it too.. im sure you know it dude

  18. #98
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    An almost blind guy walked into a lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked.

    "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

  19. #99
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    Last edited by MrMacabre; 16-11-2002 at 06:38 PM.

  20. #100

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    blonde joke.

    One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.

    ''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.

    ''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

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